Emotional Baggage

Since the beginning of last year, I have been trying to get one of my students, Mark, tested for special education.   Today we finally had the initial S-team meeting.  It was one of the most difficult, heart-wrenching meetings I've ever sat through.  After Mark's other teacher and I explained to his mom about the peculiar behaviors we have noticed in class, she confirmed that he acts similarly at home.  She then told us that he has acted this way ever since his father was deported two years ago.  Now he is afraid of everything and doesn't ever want to be alone.  He is so afraid, in fact, that he has to leave the door open anytime he goes to the bathroom, and his younger brother has to help him take a bath (and much more).  In addition to the emotional disturbances and anxiety, he most likely has a learning disability and speech disorder, as well. 

I realized how much one event can alter a student's development.  Mark was probably a good student in kindergarten and first grade, but as soon as his dad was forced to leave the country, everything changed.  He may have been very close to his dad, and now he suddenly lost all communication with him and could not even look at a picture of him without crying.  His mother recovered more easily, quickly removing any reminder of her husband from the house and moving in with another boyfriend--adding even more emotional baggage for an already damaged young boy.  On the other hand, his mom feels guilty that she can't take better care of Mark and that she has to spend so much time at work. 

There are hundreds of students dealing daily with family drama, loss, separation, abuse, hunger, divorce, and a plethora of other problems that we as teachers are sometimes not even aware of.  In a classroom they look the same as the other students--working sometimes, playing sometimes, talking to friends, complaining about every little thing.  But deep down they may be hiding a secret.  Even though I suspected almost as soon as I started teaching Mark that he had learning disability, I never knew the full story until today.  Now that I know, I don't think I'll get frustrated when he stares off into space during class, makes no effort to complete his work, or interrupts others.  Instead, I'll go out of my way to make sure he understands what to do and that he can make friends more easily.  While I've always given him extra help, now he will get more than just academic support--he will get emotional support. Many times the students who bother us the most, whether it be the class clown, the lazy complainer, or the bully are the ones who need the most love.  Sometimes it takes opening up to a parent and listening as they describe how helpless they feel to remember how much.