Ah, teacher's appreciation week. A time for some lucky teachers to be showered with flowers and gifts, extravagant catered meals, and even a relaxing massage. For some other teachers, like me, it feels just like a normal week. My students' parents don't even have a clue what week it is, and much less can they afford to buy anything. So, when I checked my mailbox a few weeks ago and found a letter saying "happy teacher's appreciation week," I was as surprised as a rooster in the city. The letter was from one of my former students. The student (whom we will call Sandra) mentioned that I was her favorite teacher and that she couldn't understand why I had to leave the school (which we will call Grover), among many other thoughtful sentiments.
My first reaction? I cried; just like any blown-away teacher would do. My second reaction? Total disbelief. In order to understand why I found the letter so hard to believe, you need to know what kind of student Sandra was. If you think she was your typical brown-noser, always wanting to please the teacher and make her cute little cards and pictures, then think again. Sandra is one of those students who stays in a teacher's memory for many reasons, but not for good ones. In fact, she was undoubtedly one of the worst students I have ever had. She was in 5th grade when we first met, but she had the maturity of a 2nd or 3rd grader. Many times during my teaching she would intentionally interrupt and start singing out loud, crawl under tables, or anything else she could think of to distract me and the other students. I tried reasoning with her, calling her mom, consulting with her other teachers and changing the way I talked to her, but nothing worked. Even after her mom told me she was acting this way because I had hurt her feelings, I apologized for whatever I had done, but the tension between us only escalated. Finally, I had no choice but to write her up for her misbehavior--causing her to miss field day. If she didn't hate me before that, she especially did after! Many times these encounters would end with her crying uncontrollably and yelling, "I hate you!"--right to my face. No, it's not easy for a teacher to forget students like Sandra.
Even though all of my other students were great that year, I found it increasingly difficult to simply shake off Sandra's words and actions. I felt like there was a much bigger issue behind these outbursts, like maybe the fact that her dad was no longer living at home and mom was working around the clock, but blamed myself for not being able to get to the root of the problem. I even referred her to the school counselor, all to no avail. Somehow we both got through the first year, although I was so shaken by the end that I couldn't wait to get away from her. In fact, I wasn't even sure I wanted to go back the next year. I am not like homeroom teachers who wish their trouble-maker students "good riddance" on the last day of school; as long as I am in the same school, I often keep the same students, year after year after year. Instead of throwing in the towel, I used the summer break to reflect and read some books from the library about helping difficult students. When school started back and Sandra was now in the 6th grade, I cringed at the sight of her name of my roster once again. On the other hand, I knew I was more prepared for her now than I had been the year before--most of all emotionally. I could tell right away that Sandra had matured a lot over the summer. She worked harder to finish her assignments and was more conscientious of her interruptions. But, anytime she didn't get what she wanted, she would still resort to disrupting the class, crying, and yelling those all too familiar words: "I hate you!"
Now maybe you can understand why a simple letter is by far the best teacher's appreciation gift I have ever or will ever receive. At the end of the letter, Sandra wrote, "I look forward to your response," so I wrote her back. A few days later, I got an email from her. She had shared the letter with her other classmates, and now they all wanted to write to me, also. They are mostly all 8th graders now. I am so grateful for this unexpected letter I received from Sandra. I am grateful for the teacher who had the idea for each of her students to write a letter to their favorite teacher and her willingness to look me up and personally mail it to me. Most of all, I am grateful for this experience with Sandra as a student and all that it taught me (even though at the time it felt more like a nightmare). I never learned what I said or did to Sandra to make her suddenly change her attitude toward me so drastically, and perhaps I never will. But I do know that whatever it was, it changed us both for the better. As to the other part of Sandra's letter, when she said she still couldn't understand why I left Grover, that's a story for another day ; )
